There Is No Safe Space for Women and Absolutely No Safe Space for Gay Women

I often meet a straight man who disguises himself as an ally only to spit misogynistic bars like, “Hey, you’re cool. In fact, it’s kind of hot that you like women, but I don’t want to see two men kissing, that’s all.”

That is very problematic because it dismisses our sexuality beyond what men think is acceptable. I haven’t had sex with a man since I was a teenager but I walk around as a sexual being for men’s pleasure.

Exposing my sexuality in a room full of men is arousing to them rather than repulsing, as opposed to what they say men who have sex with men (MSM) attractions do to them. o. As an African lesbian woman, I have read a lot of news pieces of masculine-presenting women being sexually abused in the most brutal of ways all over Africa and yet that headline isn’t taken seriously.

If a woman is dressed too feminine, she is painted as a seductress, and if she’s dressed like a “dyke,” then she asked for it because her covered parts are female parts. To top that, there is a popular pornographic category that basically glorifies the raping of Lesbians who end up “submitting” and liking it.

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As you may have guessed, it is quite popular with men more than it is with women. Make a porno category of straight men being raped by gay men and end up submitting to it. Though such categories are already available, productions go to great lengths to show just how contrived the scene is, and how the “straight man” in the scene was only one “gay thing” away from turning fully gay himself.

Also central to these scenes is not only the agency and consent but the urgency and proactive nature with which these supposed “straights” take to the scene. If the element of coercion against a straight man’s sexual agency were the central focus of such a scene, though fake, it would hardly make as much mainstream profit as the inverse.

This, however, is not an African problem – this is a global problem. And if you can’t stand to watch two men kissing, then you mustn’t call yourself an ally.

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About the Author

Rue, also known as Rueismisunderstoo, is a Southern African Lesbian woman living in Beijing, China. She is a rising media personality who uses her visibility to advocate for LGBTQIA+ individuals. In her free time, you will find Rue at the gym honing her kickboxing skills.